Fearless

Remember when you were fearless?

You know, when you were a kid and you were willing to try things without worrying about the consequences?

Back before fashion woes, make up, or attraction to the opposite sex?

Before you were concerned about falling, a potential of hurting yourself or failing?

Can you think of a moment?

I found myself going back to middle school last night as I stared down an unassuming white wall in a yoga studio. Our instructor went over the set up for a handstand as I tried to reason with myself.

My first reaction was fear, and with it came anxiety and less confidence and physical stability. We were being asked to stay in the moment as we're tasked to do in yoga. Instead I went back there. Into the Rolodex of my memory to my last handstand. Where was I the last time I did a handstand? The truth is, I probably don't remember the very last handstand I did. It was probably something unassuming as a youth. Little did I know it would be my last one. I don't think any of us think that way as kids though.

What I did remember was doing handstands against the bookcase in my parents family room.

So I stood there staring down the wall and asking myself 'How did I used to do this?'

Then I tried. The worst that could happen was to fall and take out the girl next to me. That wouldn't be ideal, but I should proceed with that risk rather than watch others succeed because they were less fearful than me.

I tried a dozen or so times until I finally got the right momentum to get both legs up. Once I did it, I was able to hold myself there. I wondered, how tall was I the last time I did this? How much did I weigh? Most importantly, why did I stop doing this? This is fun. Certainly more fun than sitting on a couch or in an office chair. Why wouldn't I still be doing this?

Photo credit: crazybreather.blogspot.com